I return, with fucking terrible stories!

Cooljerk · Post by **Cooljerk** » Sun Oct 15, 2006 11:47 am

So, I joined this female-fraternity on campus as a big brother. I figure it'd be a good waste of time, and I might have some fun. So tonight was their first party downtown.

Me and my frat brother go downtown to the bar they're having their party at, and sit down with some girls to enjoy a few drinks. The night goes well, and as the bar is closing, we invite them back to our frat house for a few drinks. Every saturday we hold a semi-party at our house, so we knew they'd have a good time.

The girls bring about 13 other women with them, and we all make our way back to the house. The sluts TRASHED my room. they were drunk, stupid stupid women.

I was drinking a beer next to a buddy while sitting on my bed, and this chick comes up to me an asks me to dance. I tell her that I don't really dance, but before she has a chance to bimbo the thought through her mind, she hops on me and straddles me, spilling my beer all over my bed in the process.

She then pins me up against the wall and begins sucking all over my body, then stops, looks up, vomits next to my bed, and tells me she has a boyfriend. I rushed her over to the bathroom and sat her down to let her vomit up my toilet a notch, and while I'm sitting there patting her back (because I'm a nice guy), she begins grabbing at my leg, trying to get at my junk through my shorts. I had to litterally slap her hand away.

Meanwhile, her tank of a friend universes over to me and tells me she's horny. I tell her there's another bathroom downstairs with a lock on it and a broom in the closet, and she slapped me. I turn my attention back to the vomitting girl, only to see her taking off her clothes so she can piss all over my bathroom floor. I jump up and yell "Sick!" and she gives me this mean face.

I point out that she just pissed on my floor, and she farts, then places her head back on the toilet and passes out. I decide it's time to get the fuck out of there and walk back into my room to try and clean up some of her vomit.

So now here I am. It's been a couple of hours and the party has died. My roommate is asleep with some random slut in his bed, snoring loudly. The vomitting chick is still passed out on my toilet, and my bed is soaked in vomit-splatter and beer.

...so how've you all been?

Post by **Agozer** » Sun Oct 15, 2006 12:44 pm

Hahahhahahah.

You always bring the best stories with you. Still, I really wouldn't want to be in your shoes. None of my experieces will top yours so I'll just leave it at that by saying "I'm fine I guess".

SLUTS

Demios · Post by **Demios** » Sun Oct 15, 2006 3:56 pm

oh man oh fucking man. memories of college come flooding back.

Que · Post by **Que** » Sun Oct 15, 2006 4:47 pm

This is why, when a slut is drunk, it's HER PLACE. Also, good job not fooling around with the cheating vomitting bitch. She proabably had the clap or smthin :\

AntoineWG · Post by **AntoineWG** » Sun Oct 15, 2006 7:54 pm

Damn dude. The worst thing I ever had to deal with was some mystery person taking a crap in the shower in my dorm. Good story, though.

darkbenny · Post by **darkbenny** » Sun Oct 15, 2006 8:31 pm

dude why didn't you sleep with at least one of them

nice guys get puked on

cool guys get laid

Joe Camacho · Post by **Joe Camacho** » Sun Oct 15, 2006 10:35 pm

Fucking Terrible? More like TERRRIBLY AWESOME.

Cooljerk · Post by **Cooljerk** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:08 am

I'm no nice guy. I just didn't want to fuck a chick covered in vomit and piss.

Also, listening to a gurgling fart from a girl is a massive turn off.

Demios · Post by **Demios** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:43 am

DarkBenny wrote:dude why didn't you sleep with at least one of them

nice guys get puked on

cool guys get laid

You do realize the fonz pry had every known std back then right?

Lizking · Post by **Lizking** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 5:18 am

you should have just dragged all of them outside and left them in front of your apartment

and taken pictures

sweener2001 · Post by **sweener2001** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 6:07 am

and greeks say they don't live up their stereotypes.

Cooljerk · Post by **Cooljerk** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 6:14 am

sweener2001 wrote:and greeks say they don't live up their stereotypes.

Because only greek people have girls vomit at their place.

Dipshit.

Vault Dweller · Post by **Vault Dweller** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 6:31 am

Theres a reason I avoid having parties wherever I'm living.

Clements · Post by **Clements** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 5:33 pm

I have a story (not in the same league as Cooljerk's though) that happened today when I was catching a bus home after 5 hours of lectures I had.

The bus was full basically, and I was standing at the front - near to the entrance door. I noticed someone pushing me from the back a bit and it felt deliberate, but I thought nothing of it.

The bus stopped and so I moved to allow passengers to come on as best I could (as I'm not exactly a small fellow). I heard a black girl's voice telling me to move very rudely and pushed me a little. I was initially confused, since all London buses have two entrances, an entrance door for oncoming passengers only and a second exit further down the bus meant for alighting passengers to speed things up for everybody. I already moved as best I could to allow oncoming passengers to come onto the bus, and there was room for that.

She continued by saying 'Get off the bus' with more pushing. I got off the bus, and she and her group waltzed off through the front entrance (i.e. the wrong one for alighting) and I heard her remark 'Dickhead' as she went off.

A few short seconds later I shrugged it off, I consoled myself with the knowledge that she was of average of below average intelligence (Due to 1. Use of coarse, infantile language, 2. Looking like a commoner, 3. Not being able to differentiate or respect the difference between the two doors like everybody else can, 4. Insulting random strangers for trivial stuff is not a great idea when you a young black girl in London where you may get beaten up for it). If she had said similar to a more aggressive individual than myself, she probably would not have been able to waltz off without a stretcher and an accompanying medical team.

kieran_ · Post by **kieran_** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:47 pm

great story.

Cyrus · Post by **Cyrus** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 1:38 am

Cooljerk wrote:I'm no nice guy. I just didn't want to fuck a chick covered in vomit and piss.

Also, listening to a gurgling fart from a girl is a massive turn off.

If she was hot you should have told her to get in the shower, then fucked her. Do so if you still got the chance. Also make sure to use a condom, any girl who randomly takes off her clothes and pisses on the floor must have STDs.

MisterJones · Post by **MisterJones** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 2:15 am

Some people here seem desperate for pussy.

darkbenny · Post by **darkbenny** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 3:13 am

Demios wrote:
DarkBenny wrote:dude why didn't you sleep with at least one of them

nice guys get puked on

cool guys get laid
You do realize the fonz pry had every known std back then right?

herpes twice

Demios · Post by **Demios** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:24 am

DarkBenny wrote:
Demios wrote:
DarkBenny wrote:dude why didn't you sleep with at least one of them

nice guys get puked on

cool guys get laid
You do realize the fonz pry had every known std back then right?
herpes twice

EEEYYYYYY!

kieran_ · Post by **kieran_** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 1:27 pm

Cyrus wrote:
Cooljerk wrote:I'm no nice guy. I just didn't want to fuck a chick covered in vomit and piss.

Also, listening to a gurgling fart from a girl is a massive turn off.
If she was hot you should have told her to get in the shower, then fucked her. Do so if you still got the chance. Also make sure to use a condom, any girl who randomly takes off her clothes and pisses on the floor must have STDs.

FIREKNIGHT

darkbenny · Post by **darkbenny** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 5:13 pm

HERZOG wrote:
Cyrus wrote:
Cooljerk wrote:I'm no nice guy. I just didn't want to fuck a chick covered in vomit and piss.

Also, listening to a gurgling fart from a girl is a massive turn off.
If she was hot you should have told her to get in the shower, then fucked her. Do so if you still got the chance. Also make sure to use a condom, any girl who randomly takes off her clothes and pisses on the floor must have STDs.
FIREKNIGHT

haha

kieran= grand!

casualsax3 · Post by **casualsax3** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 10:17 pm

Nice to see you're still around. What fraternity?

soulmata · Post by **soulmata** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 10:26 pm

omg cooljerk u so frat

:down:

frats are fucking retarded

but your story was pretty cool

tell it on the boat next time where there are less instances of gayaids

neoblaze · Post by **neoblaze** » Sat Oct 21, 2006 4:18 am

seconded

also rofl @ kieran